Would you like to become more resourceful in any situation?
How Modeling someone more resourceful can make you immediately more resourceful.
John was a 33 year old man, who was not happy in his relationship. He felt as though his partner would constantly nag and complain to him about all the things he wasn’t doing, and she would ignore and fail to recognise all the things he was doing right. He felt a sense of injustice and imbalance. His perception of the situation left him feeling frustrated, angry, resentful and helpless.
When John discussed his problem with me, he explained that he would expect his wife to get angry and speak harshly towards him most nights, and that despite whatever he had tried in the past, his actions just seemed to heighten her negative feelings towards him, and so he would just shut her out. Anytime his wife would start to complain he would raise his voice, tell her she is being hypersensitive and he would walk away to his office, or he would turn the tv up and ignore her.
I asked him, “John, do you find this type of response solves the problem?”. John went on to explain that it didn’t necessarily solve the problem, but it meant it didn’t need to deal with it in that moment. John went on to mention that it was not uncommon for him and his wife to not speak to each other for days, due to the resentment, anger and hurt they both felt towards each other at times.
John’s relationship was in a crisis. The love, the passion, the understanding and the resourcefulness had become diminished.
I took the time to speak to John about Masculine & Feminine Energies and how these polarities interplay. We discussed the biological reasons why men prefer to shut off to discussing problems, and how this way of handling such stressful situations does not support the way in which women want to resolve problems. We also discussed Cause and Effect, and John soon realised that he had the power to change his relationship, by changing his own behaviour.
After discussing Sexual Energies, John made the realisation that he needed to be more in his masculine, when his wife ‘tested’ him by complaining about his behaviour. He discovered that in the past he had been frequently failing these tests, which only added to his wife’s uncertainty about the relationship, and only exacerbated the problem.
John realised he needed to become more resourceful in those intense moments, to keep his cool and rather than walk away from the problem, he needed to be ‘the dependable rock’ for his wife by ‘weathering the storm’.
Knowing that John would need to become more resourceful in those moments, and that by dissociating the problem from John would make it easier for him to find a solution, I asked him “Who is a character, either fictional or real, that would embody the resourcefulness needed, the courage needed, the masculine energy needed to stand strong in the face of your wife’s complaints, and who could still give comfort to someone after receiving such a flurry of complaints?
John, who was very interested in cars, and who was a fan of the Fast & the Furious movie franchise, quickly mentioned Duane Johnson, “The Rock”, adding that he thought The Rock was about as manly as they come, and that he had a strong yet compassionate side to him.
I asked John to close his eyes and to recreate a situation whereby his wife was complaining to him, and in his place, I asked him to imagine The Rock being there, acting as John, and to imagine how the Rock would handle the situation with compassion, strength and understanding towards John’s wife. He played this through in his mind, and a soft smile appeared on his face as he did this.
I then asked, John to imagine himself handling this same situation but this time responding the same way The Rock would handle the situation, standing strong in the face of adversity, and having the ability to be comforting and compassionate once the string of complaints had ended. John imagined himself listening to his wife’s complaints, standing strong with loving intentions, and then he imagined himself comforting his wife, understanding her point of view, recognising it and telling her that he recognised it. His imagination went on to see this change in his own response, would help to resolve the situation faster.
When John opened up his eyes, he felt more resourceful, more hopeful that he could improve his relationship problems.
We briefly discussed having The Rock’s capabilities within himself, and that he could easily tap into this resourcefulness anytime he thought of The Rock. John would be The Rock for his wife, he would be the strong masculine energy who would stand strong in the face of receiving her complaints and that he would listen and understand what she was saying rather than ignoring it and walking away.
John went home, excited at creating his own solution, discovering The Rock within himself.
About a week later, John gave me an update, telling me that he had faced some challenging moments with his wife, which was not uncommon, however he mentioned that each time he remembered The Rock, and that his change in behaviour, the fact that he didn’t walk away, resulted in him and his wife, resolving their problems much much sooner. He even mentioned that his wife had mentioned several times that she really appreciated how much effort John was making in their relationship now. John went on to say that the tension, stress and anger in the relationship had significantly reduced, and they were able to talk about their problems more calmly now. If there was ever a heated discussion, John would remember The Rock, becoming The Rock, and this Alter Ego inside himself, would help him become as resourceful as he needed.
This is the power of Identities and Alter Egos. They become part of the mini-story that we tell ourselves. The question is which Character are you going to embody? A Hero or a Villain? The Winner or the Loser?
How can this help me?
- Think about a challenging situation in your life.
- Find a Character that could easily overcome that challenge.
- Imagine how that Character would handle that specific situation.
- Imagine yourself acting as though you were that Character in that same situation.
- Remember that Character’s personality knowing to call upon it within you anytime you are faced with a challenge.